What is true love?

… agape, which, as we have seen, becomes the typical expression for the biblical notion of love. By contrast with an indeterminate, “searching” love, this word expresses the experience of a love which involves a real discovery of the other, moving beyond the selfish character that prevailed earlier. Love now becomes concern and care for the other. No longer is it self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness; instead it seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice.

- Pope Benedict XVI in his encyclical Deus Caritas Est

Valentine’s Day rolls around, and consumers begin to see the chocolates, flowers, cards, candies, and myriads of other gifts that appear in stores throughout the nation. Commercials start appearing encouraging us guys to get that “something special” for our sweethearts. Still other commercials show how apparently that last minute gift can be found (as if his girlfriend or wife has never seen the ad). It is a time of dinners, movies, special occasions, and treating the one you love to a night out on the town.

It seems though, like Christmas and Easter, Valentine’s Day has become so commercialized. It is another day that the secular world has taken for its own, eschewing God for something more worldly. While the origin of the feast day itself may be debated, we can still use this time for reflection on the true meaning of Christian love. How do we express love in terms of our friends, families, spouses, and most importantly, God?

Even as Christians, we lose sight I think of what love really is: a sacrifice. It is not something that is easy or fun all the time. It takes work, and at times love can be the most difficult thing to express and endure. But in order to get an idea of what true love really is, we need only to look to the ultimate display of love: Christ on the Cross.

It is in Christ that we find true love. We discover in Christ that love is indeed a sacrifice, one that must be freely given, without reservation. In all of our relationships, we must strive to be like Him. We cannot truly express love unless we give ourselves totally and completely to the other. Love is not always an enjoyable thing. In fact, there will be times when we may want to throw in the towel. But did Christ throw in the towel when His moment came?

I am not saying that we should endure in horrible relationships in the name of Christ, but what I am saying is that in order for a relationship to last, both people must give themselves completely and totally. If this is not done, then the couple is surely doomed.

As Pope Benedict says in the above passage, in love we must seek the good of the beloved. We must renounce ourselves. We must be willing to sacrifice for the other person. This is true for all relationships: families, children, romantic, God. Most especially God. If this renunciation and total self-giving does not occur, then I would venture to say that it is not true love, but something less.

Love is in Christ. Christ expressed His love through the ultimate sacrifice. We must do the same. We must strive to live all of our relationships by His example.

Happy Valentine’s Day dear brothers and sisters. May you all experience true love.

Pax et bonum,

Dean