Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said, "The Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9." The disciples looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus mean -- the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9? Peter said, "Don't worry. It's just another one of his parabolas."
H/t to The Ironic Catholic
Jesus was walking along one day, when He came upon a group of people surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the person who has no sin cast the first stone."
The crowd was shamed and one by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a lovely little woman made her way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble towards the woman.
Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you do that, Mom."
A Franciscan and Jesuit were debating which order was the greatest. So, they decided to ask for a sign from God. This is what they received falling down from heaven:
My sons,
Please stop bickering about such trivial matters,
Sincerely,
God, O.P.
From the blog of a good friend, Writing for the Lord:
Last night was one of those nights I actually went to bed at mid-night. That is the good news. Bad news, my post-polio kept me awake until 4:00 am. Finally, I managed to get comfortable enough to drift into a blessed sleep. AH! Dream land…truly a gift after hours of tossing and turning in pain. At 9:15 am the shrill ringing of the telephone woke me up. Since I was half asleep, and still writing a novel in my sleep…the conversation went something like this.
From The Onion:
Interrupting Pastor Terry Pridgen's sermon on His unending mercy, God appeared suddenly before His flock as an intense beam of white light, instantly dispersing the earthly forms of those seated in the first two pews. Sources said the remaining congregants had to avert their eyes from their Creator, whose booming celestial voice overwhelmed their worldly senses and humbled their hearts as He politely apologized for not calling first.
"I AM the God of Abraham, the LORD MOST HIGH, who brought you forth from the bondage of Egypt," God said unto church members, many of whom cowered in reverent fear of Him. "Thought I'd just pop in and see how things were going. Please, pretend like I'm not even here."You can read the rest of the article Here: God Makes Surprise Visit to Local Church
